Had a little retrospection a while ago. I attended Fresher’s Social 13 times, parting/farewell 17 times. I watched FIFA world cup twice, have been going to two Universities, read about 456* books. Dated 17 girls/women, no of whom I stuck with or had a committed relationship, & I didn’t approach first or brake the ice with any one of them. Wrote around 204 poems, out of which 150+ are what I myself label them shitty. 6 complete essays, 5 short stories (3 in Mizo, 2 in English), & one complete novel (253 pages) in English. Boarded my first flight fully paid by GoI. Now the sense of an ending of my time as a master’s student creeps in, it’s been one helluva rollercoaster memory!
Scored only 37% in my first sem exams in 2014, barely passed. Stayed at Hostel for the first time in my life, NEHU 17 Umngot. Had my existential crisis, abjured all my beliefs in religion, culture & convention. Became a staunch follower of Absurdism, Stoicism & Marxism. Cracked my first NET exam in 2015, invalidated ’cause I dropped out. Earning my keep as an apprentice carpenter & daily man. Abstaining myself from alcohol & pot, which I still manage till today; though I smoke a lot. Joined University again in July, 2016 by self-supporting myself, having only one blue jeans, a pair of all star shoes, a few t-shirts & two striped shirts. Trying to bounce back from my ‘quite shameful’ disgrace.
Became a Students’ leader by accident. Found a few part-time jobs, mostly content writings & translations, which have been succouring my educational endeavour. Became a research assistant under Dr. Kosei from Osaka University in Japan. Cracked NET exams again, which I sincerely hope will be valid this time. Met some of the most intriguing & interesting women in my life, each having their own alias known only by me. Each of them I would accept them as my better half, without any second thought, if they ever wanted. But, life’s an irony, I wanna stay bachelor for my lifetime. I miss the Anchor the most, the first I have ever officially dated. & The one who ghosted me for the first time.
Now, the madness of June is almost over. I will have to go through the intellectual test of fire for one last time. My only consolation is that, I will be saved from the chagrin and infamy of having had the time to watch WC final twice during one’s master’s. Because it will be over on the 12th. This strange feeling of nostalgia & regret creeps into my soul, when I mull over these ups & downs, despair & elation I’ve been facing during the past four years. It is, in the end, what that “do not kill us make us stronger”. & My old friend known as epilepsy have been dormant all through, thank you God! But I guess insomnia & nightmares are the side-effects of being a loner, lover & stranger.